Defensive
by pinksugarrush
Summary: Kyo truly believes that he's a monster that needs to be locked up. So when Kyo starts coughing up blood, he realizes that he has ulcers, but he doesn't tell anybody. Why? He believes that a monster like him deserves the pain. Will the family realize that Kyo has ulcers before it's too late? Kyo hopes not but the family might think otherwise.


Disclaimer- I do not own Fruits Basket, Natsuki Takaya does. Enjoy!

Chapter 1. Waking Up

Time was slowly slipping away. No, that wasn't quite right either. Time wasn't slipping away slowly at all, it was pouring away quickly especially when he was with Tohru. Time had galloped away every time he was with Tohru and with each passing minute would be a minute that would never be rekindled.

He would be caged soon. He could never beat Yuki, at least, not if the curse was not riding on his shoulders. Sometimes he would wonder if they weren't burdened by the curse, would he be able to beat Yuki. He never thought about that long though, because if he did, his sanity would only be beaten down while his insanity would climb higher. Once he had thought about being the rat and Yuki being the cat. Just the thought had somewhat relieved him but then the thought of Yuki being caged had frightened him. He didn't want Yuki to be caged, he didn't want anybody to be caged. But once he had thought about it, the details wouldn't stop whirling into his head even when he tried to deter them. He had sobbed that night. If Yuki was the cat then he would be caged and he didn't want that. He realized that night that he never did hate Yuki and he found himself hating himself. Yuki was his enemy, he was supposed to hate him and yet he found himself crying just thinking about Yuki being caged in his place. Yuki was too perfect – he was no monster, unlike him.

As the days passed, he had convinced himself that he was suited for the cage because he was a monster; a true monster that deserved his horrible faith. He had killed his mother. Yes, he had even finally got himself to believe what Akito wanted him to believe for the past decade just because he didn't want the rat to be caged. How ironic. He see himself as what he truly was thanks to the thought of saving Yuki. But with the thought of being caged, also came the thoughts of never seeing Tohru again. He found himself torn into two. He had laughed to himself but it was bitter. Why should he find himself torn into two? It wasn't like he could switch his and Yuki's place. Even so, Kyo found himself hating himself for even thinking about putting somebody in his place.

After a while, he had stop crying but the thoughts of Yuki and Tohru tortured him every night. Every time he found himself thinking about it, he found a seizing and almost paralyzing feeling come over him especially from his gut. His stomach would twist painfully, almost to the point that he thought he would hurl or maybe he had ripped something when Yuki had kicked him that day. But he never told anyone about it. Besides, Hatori had better things to do then tend to a cat. It probably wasn't anything anyway.

* * *

"Kyo?"

Kyo snapped his eyes open and came face to face with a very worried looking Shigure. Shigure was leaning down, the proximity of his body was uncomfortably close. Kyo looked around and noticed that he was in the kitchen, sitting down at the table. _When had I gotten here? When did Shigure get here?_

"Kyo?" Shigure placed his hand on Kyo's arm to grab his attention. Kyo looked back to him. He could tell by Shigure's tone that he had been calling him for quite some time now.

"What?" his voice wasn't loud with annoyingness like it usually was; it was soft and tired.

"Are you alright, Kyo?" he reached up to touch Kyo's forehead and Kyo didn't stop him. He was too tired to move. Shigure frowned when he spotted no fever. Shigure was secretly hoping that Kyo had a fever. It would at least explain Kyo's lack of energy and change. He was starting to get really worried about his red-headed cousin. Kyo hadn't been acting normal for months now. He didn't get riled up as easy anymore and he didn't challenge Yuki that much anymore either. Rightfully, he did fight with Yuki- the broken doors were quite the evidence – but they ended faster than they usually did. Even under the untrained eyes of a martial artist, Shigure knew that Kyo wasn't fighting as hard as he usually did and the spiteful retorts weren't as rich as they usually were either. Kyo was acting so…deflated.

"I'm calling Hatori." Shigure announced as he straightened himself back up. He turned around and proceeded to walk toward the phone but his swift movements were halted by a sudden hold of his kimono.

"I don't need Hatori. I'm fine." Kyo got up, his figure wavering slightly. He looked out the window momentarily before he looked back to Shigure. Shigure noted how lifeless Kyo's eyes were. They were glazed and dull with what he could only place as guilt. "It's going to rain soon."

Shigure did not smell any rain for miles. _He's lying to me. He doesn't trust me._

Then he left up the stairs, leaving Shigure alone in the kitchen with a heart wrenching despair.

* * *

Seven days later, it rained. It rained so heavily that the flowers bowed their heads in agony. Kyo had woken up earlier that day, but, then again, he hadn't gotten that much sleep recently. The rain had made his bones ache which slightly reminded him of death.

Tohru wouldn't be up for another thirty minutes but he decided he would sit down stairs and probably greet her when she came down. Her face always relieved his soul. He came in slowly and was prepared to see an empty kitchen. So when he came in and spotted Shigure sitting at the table with a newspaper lay out in front of him and starring out the window worriedly that he gasped. Shigure was quickly notified of his presence. Shigure quickly schooled in that frown that he was only seconds ago sporting and the furrows of his eyebrows ceased, becoming smooth and unwrinkled once more.

"Kyo," Shigure sang merrily, but Kyo could tell there was still some lingering melancholy in it. Unconsciously, Kyo found himself feeling sad for Shigure. He didn't want Shigure to be sad – Shigure was a good man. Kyo was the one that deserved that pain. Only a monster deserved pain.

"What are you doing?" He stood rooted at the kitchen entrance.

Shigure smiled, a fake smile. "Oh, nothing. I was feeling restless so I thought of calling Ayaa but I don't think he'll appreciate me ruining his beauty sleep."

"Oh." That was all he could manage. He couldn't think of any comforting words or even concoct a small query about why Shigure couldn't sleep. _I truly am an insensitive monster._ Kyo moved toward the fridge, dragging his feet all the way. Shigure found his heart clenching at the notice. Kyo was always so graceful and light on his feet but now he was like dead weight. Not literally, but it was getting there.

"Kyo, why are you up so early?" Shigure gestured toward the window but Kyo didn't see it, his back, after all, was still facing the fridge. "You usually sleep in when it rains."

"I don't know. I couldn't sleep." He opened the milk and drank from it slowly.

"It's raining quite hard today. Maybe you shouldn't go to school today." Kyo turned to face him, giving him a slightly disbelieving look. Shigure hardly ever let them stay home from school. He always said that their loud presence always disturbed his muse. Shigure continued. "We don't want you to transform now."

"I'll be fine." He placed the cartoon snugly back into its home.

"Kyo, are you alrig-" Shigure was cut off by the slam of the fridge's door.

"I'm leaving."

Shigure stood up. "But Yuki and Tohru aren't awake yet. You haven't eaten breakfast yet." Shigure breathed in slowly, trying to calm his sudden fast breathing. He felt so anxious. He wasn't known for being a man that was easily unsettled, but for some reason it's different this time. "It's best that you walk with the others in this kind of weather, Kyo."

Kyo picked up the backpack that he had dropped at the base of the kitchen door. "You know how I get in this kind of weather, Shigure. It's best that I start now. I don't want to burden them…"

"Burden? Kyo, what are you saying?" Shigure quickly followed Kyo as he placed on his shoes. "You're not burdening anyone."

Shigure was feeling apprehensive which was odd. Kyo's sudden change in demeanor has frightened him. Kyo opened the door, preparing himself for the cold, wet journey.

"Goodbye, Shigure."

"Kyo, wai-" Once again, a door was shut but this time in his face and probably his heart too. The unbeknownst vice grip on the newspaper lightened causing the newspaper to slip and fall to the ground soundly. There was a deafening silence except for the pounding rain and distance sounds of Kyo's dragging feet.

"'Goodbye, Shigure.'" Shigure mimicked weakly. The words just sounded wrong. The tone sounded wrong too. Kyo's facial features looked wrong. The air that hung around him smelled wrong as well. It sounded like a forever farewell. And that, itself, was wrong.

* * *

Yuki walked back up to his room, sighing quietly. He stepped toward his window and watched Kyo trudging down the path, his steps weak and faltering. He had woken up with a start today and his heart was pounding. There weren't many things that started Yuki especially from a sound slumber but something did today. He had jerked awake and for a second he was more surprised than he was confused. Before the answers could fly to him, he heard the muffled sound of Shigure and Kyo's voice. On any normal occasion, he would have ignored them and gone back to bed but he didn't today. Some invisible force had told him to get up and listen.

He had crept down quietly and skipped any steps that were prone to creak. He hid in the shadows like a true rat and watched everything in earnest. The conversation itself was nothing special, but the mood was all wrong and worth noting. Shigure was worried and Kyo was dull. Though Yuki would never admit it to anyone, he had been quite worried about Kyo as well. He had felt as if something went missing within him when Kyo stopped acting like the notorious hot-headed cousin of his. He missed that Kyo. So when Kyo left to put on his shoes, he wanted to stop him or tell him to wait for him, but he didn't. He didn't know why he didn't move; maybe it was because Shigure was already chasing Kyo. Shigure was the adult and Yuki was the child. Shigure would be able to handle the situation, at least, that's what Yuki told himself. So Yuki stayed hidden in the shadows of the corridors and listened.

In the end, Kyo had gotten away and Shigure looked defeated. Yuki climbed back up the stairs, Kyo's words of departure heavy on his mind. He didn't know why it sounded so wrong when Kyo said goodbye. After all, he heard Kyo say goodbye and leave many times.

Yuki continued to watch Kyo walk down the trail. He noticed that there was a lighting- he did not know where it came from- that illuminated upon Kyo's head almost giving Kyo an appearance of bearing a halo. But the farther Kyo walked, the halo broke its circular form and slowly deteriorated until there was nothing left. Kyo disappeared from his sight as he took a turn.

Yuki dropped the curtain and slipped back into bed. There was still another forty five minutes until he had to wake up. As he lay there, he couldn't help but recall Shigure's dejected face and Kyo's face. He could hear the soft movement of Shigure from down below and then the click of a door. Yuki sighed, feeling oppressed. He closed his eyes and after ten minutes found himself still awake.

"I'm so awake." Usually it would take him a good hour to wake or, at least, be vaguely coherent to his surrounding, but today he was vividly awake. Maybe it was time to wake up then and see something that was worth noticing. "Kyo."

* * *

A/N: My lovely Beta did not Beta this yet so I'm sorry that you guys have to bear with my horrible grammar. She's been busy as of late.

Anyway, there's not much to say. I came up with this idea at the spur of the moment and on the thought that I love torturing Kyo. ^^ I do hope this story turns out well and I thank those who decide to review, favorite, and alert.

Anyway, please R&R. Reviews inspire me and make me happy. No flames please. Constructive criticisms are always accepted with open arms.

3/23/13


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